As a mom you have a long list of things that matter. Keeping your kid alive, or your spouse sometimes. Making sure the house is in order and there is food on the table. I can add to my own personal list right now, making sure that I am on top of my school work and that my responsibilities are taken care of. I have sat and thought about this list many many times over, questioning it or worrying about it. I am constantly thinking about how I can be better for those around me, down playing the desires of my own heart or the things that bother me. Somehow I have justified making myself sound like a crazy person in my own head, thinking that if I truly shared my heart everyone around me would think I was nuts for even thinking about whatever it is I am thinking about. Tonight I was talking to my husband while he was working, sharing my heart as I was having a rough first day of school, and to be honest, a pretty stressful week in general. He point blank told me over the phone, “I know that you think you’re crazy, and I want you to know that you aren’t.” Woah. What? Someone heard my self-proclaimed crazy thoughts and didn’t think I was nuts? And right then and there this idea popped into my mind, those things, those thoughts, they matter.
I felt compelled to share this because I know that this isn’t even a mom thing, this is a human thing. Generally a woman thing, if I’m being totally honest. We are by nature a tad more emotional, and have been told for the majority of our lives that our most passionate moments can be chalked up to hormones or our feminine spirit. We have been muzzled and told our thoughts are irrational, and I’m here to say that those thoughts matter. Yes, we do have more hormonal moments then most, blame SO MANY THINGS for that, but our thoughts stem from legitimate concerns we have or thoughts we have been pondering, and they aren’t always what the world would deem important but even still, they are.
As a mom there are quite a few things I don’t share often with anyone that I genuinely struggle with on a daily basis, I feel it’s important to share those things here. I am told that I need to “not care” about how I look, because I am a mother who grew a human and it’s okay, well guess what? I care! It’s a struggle, daily, and I definitely know I’m not alone. It’s not only a body issue, but it’s a clothing issue as well. Like I mentioned in a previous post, Sailor and I don’t really nurse in the day time anymore, so I don’t have to worry so much about this now, but for the past 10 months it has been my daily thought, what am I going to wear? You literally go from being hugely pregnant, to fluffy and uncomfortable and breastfeeding. Your clothes already don’t fit and on top of that, you have to find something that makes nursing your hungry infant possible wherever you are. You no longer can put on that cute dress or that adorable top, not only is your sleep schedule and social life completely dominated by an 8 pound baby, but you can’t even dress yourself anymore. Guess what guys, that stuff, it totally matters. Another thing I struggled with, and still do honestly, in my postpartum journey, is connecting with other women. It is so easy to say that you don’t matter, and having friends isn’t important anymore. To verbalize that you think you need a girls night, or just a coffee date, when your husband is the hardworking provider, is freaking hard. It took me months to admit that to Chris and when I did he was immediately accommodating. He didn’t call me crazy or hormonal for even getting emotional when I told him, he said how can I help.
I share all of this because I think it’s important, especially as a mom, to understand that those things you think about all the time, they matter. You matter. This is a conversation I have all the time with my husband, he will say something that hurts me, unintentional sure, but it’s still painful. We sit down and I explain that to him, that even though you think what you said was okay, it doesn’t mean it hurt any less. I feel like that translates straight into this issue of understanding your thoughts are important, your worries aren’t crazy and your insecurities are absolutely real. Not everyone is going to understand why that thing you are thinking about right now bothers you so much, but that’s okay, as long as you are learning it’s okay to verbalize those things. It’s important to share when you are hurting, no matter what it’s about. It’s important to value your thoughts and opinions. It’s SO important to give yourself the breathing space you need to figure out how to make it better. You are absolutely allowed to crave time away, and to think about the end of breastfeeding with excitement instead of acting like a martyr. The truth is every mom thinks those things and to lie and say we don’t is a shame.
From one mom to another, I want to say that all that stuff, it matters. Deeply and truly. You deserve to feel empowered in womanhood and motherhood, so you can be a fabulous mother, spouse, partner and friend to those around you. Don’t turn into a silent housewife that never shares how she truly feels, learn how to be confident and speak up. Don’t be aggressive or angry, but be patient and tender. Your thoughts are worth hearing and if you don’t have someone to vent with or bounce ideas off of, please message me (firstname.lastname@example.org). I love talking to other moms, especially ones I haven’t personally met. Keep being amazing, because even if you don’t feel like it right now, you are responsible for keeping a kid alive and THAT is saying something. Share, don’t stop feeling and remember that on top of it all, YOU matter.