Isn’t it ironic that as a mother you experience some of the loneliest moments in your life, EVEN THOUGH you are literally almost never alone? I have grappled with this for months. The weird and all-consuming feeling of loneliness that becoming a new momma brings. My husband goes to work at 3 in the morning and comes home between 12-3 in the afternoon and then goes back to sleep by 7:30, on a good day, so my days are spent mostly with an 8 month old that hasn’t even learned how to say Momma yet. (Literally he says Dada, constantly, what is that even about?!) I sometimes don’t even speak until Chris gets off work in the afternoon, it’s long and exhausting and like I said earlier, lonely.
Recently I have spent a lot of time really thinking about that, because as I have met more moms I have discovered that we all have similar feelings. It almost doesn’t make sense. There are so many of us that you would think and hope we would ban together in united motherhood, sharing our fears and anxieties, taking time to build each other up when we really need it, yet here we sit in the quiet corners of the internet feeling judged, alone and afraid. Recently for me it was the overwhelming thought that this little person is not just a part of my life, but he IS my whole life. My body nourishes him, my arms hold him, my sleep is minimal because of him, truly so many aspects of what I once was are now wrapped up in every breath this little boy takes. Yet, lately, I have felt that I need to contribute more. Like I need to have a skill, a SOMETHING, that will help our family thrive. I completely discount the fact that as a stay-at-home mom, my job is 24 hours 7 days a week. Whenever Sailor is hungry I either take the time to nurse him, or prepare him food to eat. I change his diaper, clothe him, play with him, sooth him when he’s hurting and bathe him when he’s dirty. Yes, my husband jumps in when he can, but the bulk of these things fall on me. Not to mention making sure the living room doesn’t look like an 8 month old, freshly crawling, tornado hasn’t just passed through. The dishes, the cooking, making the bed, doing the laundry, the list literally goes on and on! Being a mom is NO JOKE. We desperately need to stick together. We NEED to uplift, encourage and grow together. Share our funny moments and our sad, be real about our disappointments and our desires. You guys, we need to stop feeling bad for wanting time for ourselves! Seriously, this is huge. I battle this daily. My time is important and in order to be a sane mom and human being let yourself take 30 minutes, if that’s all you have, to watch your favorite binge or grab a coffee. You deserve it.
When you feel alone remember this, you aren’t. There is a mom just like you, most likely feeling the same things, wishing she had a community to share with. Recently I have been stepping out of my box to try and meet moms, and man have I seen a change! Just having women who I can share with, who have common experiences, it makes a world of difference! Step out, be bold, surround yourself with people who are going through similar life experiences and watch as you grow! Take a second to think right now about all the moms on your Facebook feed, have you talked to any of them? If you live close, have you asked to hangout? Have a playdate? I challenge you to take some time later today and send a message to someone who you haven’t reached out to yet, I GUARANTEE that they will be so appreciative for the adult conversation. I know it meant the world to me.
Being a mom is not a cake walk, you will struggle, emotionally, physically and in our relationships, but if you push forward, forge friendships and pursue other moms, you will start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have to remind myself on a daily basis: being a mom is a JOY, it gives me PURPOSE and it is a BLESSING. Life is hard, motherhood is hard but remember that you are not alone, not now, not never.
PS, if you really don’t have anyone to message or talk to about things you are feeling or going through PLEASE email me! My email is firstname.lastname@example.org and I would LOVE to hear from you!