This past year has been a whirlwind. Moving, new jobs, a baby becoming a toddler and all sorts of new financial and adult things coming into our lives. It was beyond challenging and I know we did not walk through it gracefully. Actually coming to the end of the year I don’t really feel so accomplished as much as I feel relieved it’s over. Our holiday season was such a blessing, and having Sailor grow into the sweet boy he is is the most amazing thing, but on so many occasions I feel like I have fallen short.
I know that most people feel this way, it’s a pretty common emotion to feel, but honestly these past few months have left me empty and uninspired. I recently decided to try a new thing and invested into essential oils, it’s something I had always wanted to do for my family and felt that we were in a place to finally jump into it and I was SO excited at the beginning. But then, life happened. Work, babies, stress, Christmas, NO TIME. All of these things have piled against me. I felt completely incapable, totally useless. It was something I didn’t assume would come easily but I definitely didn’t think it would be so gosh darn hard. My heart right now is to be an asset to my family. Not just a wife and a mother, but also a provider and a helper. I don’t want my husband to carry the weight of being the main provider, I want to help ease that burden. Maybe take care of a couple bills every month and give us the space and freedom to start saving for bigger and better things for our family. I SO desire this. So much that sometimes late at night, after Chris goes to work and Sailor is asleep, I get incredibly overwhelmed. I find myself either in tears or in bed, totally unable to overcome this feeling of defeat and uselessness. It’s a heavy burden I have been carrying for a long time that this year I refuse to hold the weight of it anymore.
I don’t consider myself a resolution type of person, but I would like to be. Just like I don’t see myself as a minimalist, I so desire to be. This has been my greatest revelation in this season, in short and not as frequent as I would want them to be moments of reflection I have found myself really overcome with the understanding that God’s desire is for us to be content with the little and not the much. We need to focus on the important and the crucial. Things like our family and our home. For Chris and me it has been all about focusing on our marriage, bringing that to where it needs to be. Pursuing each other, loving each other, being in tune with each others needs and learning how to pick up each others “messes” every now and again. More often then not those messes are mine and because of the lack of true and meaningful love being given on either side it has not been an easy thing to give grace when it is much needed. My heart for this next year is to fall more and more in love with my husband, being an example of selfless love to our children. I want to be a wife that serves with a joyful heart, who doesn’t feel burdened by the day to day because I know I have a helper to walk along side me. This is where it all starts for us this year, it seems simple but it is truly going to be a season of active pursuit and I am so looking forward to it.
This year also brings big big changes for our family. We move into our new place starting this weekend and in late April we will be welcoming our second little baby into the family. These are large things that I tend to forget in the midst of life’s craziness, but this year I want to try my hardest to wrap myself up in the important things instead of the useless things. This year is for new things, new attitudes and new motivations. I want to be content because I want my children to grow up in a house that shows and speaks of contentment. I want my husband and I to be stable, not just in finances, but also in our marriage so we can stand firm in each other as we walk through each season as it comes. I want my walk with God to be firm and unchanging, because at the base of everything is that perfect relationship and the longer I put off spending time with him the longer I will flounder without his help and guidance.
Things are going to be hard, they are going to hurt sometimes and there will be some difficult adjustments but I already know that this is going to be an amazing year. Why else would be put together lists and goals if we didn’t hope and expect the best for the next 12 months? So here we go, on to new and great things, all of us. No matter where you are in life, single, married, in the midst of parenthood, you are able to do the hard things. You are capable of new and greater things! Don’t stop setting goals and making resolutions because we all need to start somewhere. I am excited and full of anticipation for what it will all look like, that is what drives me to be better, to try harder and to not give up when things get difficult.
A new year, full of brand new things, and I am so so ready for it. Are you?